Self / Family

共享生活 – 三个院子

最近江苏卫视推出了“三个院子”这个节目,看着节目的第一集,仿佛看见自己的未来;

还记得刚开始交往的时候;曾经跟他说过,我想要买一间别墅或是在海边买一块地,

把它装修成美美哒;是自己的家,也让背包旅客来度假;概念也是共享生活:)

每天结识不一样的友人,聆听他们在世界各地的足迹与故事;

那种感觉好棒!这就是我想要的生活!

简单,不复杂;与世无争,是我一直以来的理想!

虽然不晓得这个梦想几时会实现,可是我会一直朝着这个方向前进。

加油!

 

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Self / Family

How to be Yourself?

Recently, I have been having this dream. In the dream, I killed myself and reborn after a few minutes. I was impressed with these and I googled. It could be a symbolic sign that things are ending, changing and new beginnings will start afresh. It is a symbolic association with the end of how you used to be. Sometimes life is very difficult to create what you want.

Maybe my self-conscious is hinting me to be Myself. Why do I say so? Let me kick start with a short introduction of myself and my family. I was born in the early 90’s. I am the eldest in my family. My parents (especially my mum) are very traditional. Everything that we do or choose, we must follow her protocol. I interpreted those actions as control freak.

When I was young, I used to think to become a teacher, doctor, writer, sportswoman, author, and artist. She told me that, these jobs were not going to earn much (except  for doctor) and she will disagree and will not recognize me anymore if I choose to be one of them. End up, I choose to be an Engineer (because of full scholarship given).

I felt imbalance especially she treated me and my siblings differently. I was chosen to be a sportswomen back in my primary and secondary school. However, she asked me to turn down the offer as she did not have leisure time to fetch me after the practice. She asked me to join those society which suit her convenient time. I always told myself it’s okay, I just need a society to fulfill those requirements.

I used to write a diary last time because I wanted to be an author. What she did was, she read my diary every night. If she was mentioned in the diary, I will be scold or nag the next day. End up, I don’t write diary anymore because I don’t want to let her know what I am thinking and I don’t want to be scold. Besides, no matter what I did, she will always has negative comments. Hence, in order for me to make my life peacefully, I started to lock myself in no where.

Finally, it is the time for me to back to basics. But I was lost. I don’t know where to start from. Mr Google gives me some guidance. This will be my tasks.

  1. Think about all the times in your life when you felt you had to be “on,” when you couldn’t be honest with how you really felt, when you chose to pretend to be someone you weren’t. What’s the cause of that?
  2. If I were to ask you to describe yourself, could you talk about your strengths and weaknesses with confidence? (In other words, do you know who you really are?)
  3. Are you always the same in how you act regardless of the situation you’re in?
  4. When you are around others, do you ever feel strained and uncomfortable and find it hard to relax?
  5. Has anyone ever told you that they thought you were one way, but then when they got to know you better, realized you were another way?
  6. Has anyone ever commented on how you act differently around various people?
  7. Do you ever act like you don’t care what others think, but deep down it really stings when others judge or reject you?
  8. Do you ever pretend to like someone you really don’t?
  9. What might some of your masks be? The “I’ve got it all together” mask? The “I’m a victim mask”? Think about different situations in your life—work, school, church, home, with friends, with family, etc. What mask might emerge during those times?
Self / Family

随遇而安

今天翻回自己以前的部落格(已经关闭);其实里面的文笔真的非常像顺源昨天跟我在电话上提到的我。他问我为什么年纪轻轻的,世界观总是“悲观,挣扎和迷茫呢?”其实我也不晓得原因。因为这个提问,我还真的坐下来静心思考。

也许因为约束、也许越来越少观照自己的内心、也许被伤害、也许发生了许多事情导致我不再对世界抱有任何的期望、也许太在意世人的眼光。很多的也许;我只能说;答案,还是得靠我自己去寻找。

我很谢谢他在这个时候提点了我;因为我真的迷失了很久!在此,跟你说声谢谢。

接下来,就让我跟大家分享一篇我觉得自己应该要有的态度 – 随遇而安。

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Self / Family

That’s The End of 2017

Tomorrow, will be the start of the year 2018.

It has been a year, did you spend your time in 2017 well? Assuming that you live until the age of 82, you would have roughly 20,000 days. How are you going to spend those upcoming 20,000 days? Who do you want to be and what do you want to do to bring meaning to your life?

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Part I

In this post, I would like to summarize what I have been through in the past 365 days. After the traditional wedding dinner back in December 2016, I was then officially my Significant Other’s (SO) wife. Hence, I decided to visit him in West Malaysia on biweekly-basis instead of monthly.

We figured out that the long distance relationship was no longer working for us because our priorities have changed, especially because we were really thinking of building our family. The pressure from the family and friends made us decide to make a move. We decided to pursue our dream – to migrate to another country. A country where the currency is stronger than the currency in our home country, so that we can pay off our scholarship bond later; A country nearer to my siblings, so that it would be easier for my family to visit us; A country with multinational people, so that our future generation can learn to respect other races.

We started making and carrying out our plans and the dream came true and all our hard work paid off. We received the approval from their government within 6 months and both of us will be leaving soon. 2 months from now, we will be in a new surroundings. That feeling when you can’t stay asleep because your reality is so much more exciting than your dreams… Dreams becoming reality!!

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Part II

We went for our honeymoon in Italy. It was a precious and memorable time for both of us. We learnt how to speak Italian, we tried out Italian food as much as possible (my husband loves Pizza very very much), we walked all the way from Trastevere to Rome and etc. We tossed a coin into Trevi Fountain, making a wish that we would be back! It was an interesting trip for us.

Lesson Learnt from the trip :

  1. Don’t judge a book by its cover. People apprear to be helpful but in reality, they might expecting something in return.
  2.  You should watch out for fake people. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
  3. Be careful with all your belongings.

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Part III

In March 2017, after undergoing a health check at a gynecologist’s clinic, I was diagnosed with some infection at my labia. This type of infection was rare for people of my age, as it typically affects older women. After several consultations, I decided to remove the skin infection by operation. It was my first time undergoing surgery! We scheduled the operation for June 2017. On that day, the doctor suggested to anesthetize only the lower half of my body so that I can see and understand the procedure of the operation. However, I insisted to have general anesthesia instead because I was too scared. The operation took about 15 minutes but I slept for two and half hours. Thank God that everything went smooth!

*** *** *** ***

In September 2017, I faced another unexpected health problem. My tooth had become too sensitive without any reason and I couldn’t sleep because of it. It was painful for a few days. I visited the dentists in Kuching and she advised that I must receive root canal treatment. My heart sank as I didn’t know what root canal was. At that moment, I just felt that I wanted to get rid of the pain as soon as possible. Once I landed in Sabah, I went to the nearest dental clinic and started the root canal treatment, which would take a month to complete. The dentist drilled my tooth and removed the nerve. Then, she patched some antibiotics into the canal. After a week, she removed the medicine and replace it with filling. Tooth X-Ray. That was the first time I saw how a dentist performed an X-Ray. After several visits, my tooth was finally dead. Starting that day, I had to be extra careful whenever I chewed.

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Part IV

It was not a good year for me at work. I was still in the same position, yet I had to handle an additional role because the management had moved one of my colleagues to another department. I was angry with their decision because they didn’t keep their promise of moving me to a different section by the end of the year. But what had happened then? I had to perform two jobs, and I was struggling to cope.

I raised my concern with my boss. Due to additional roles and job scope, I had to attend many meetings which clashed with one another everyday. I tried to have a slow talk with him but he refused to listen. He told me that he would find me a replacement as soon as possible. However, I didn’t see his effort. Again, he broke the trust. I tried to be professional with him, but he didn’t trust me too. I didn’t know what kind of boss I was dealing with. So, whatever!

*** *** *** ***

I have a bunch of colleagues who liked being visible to the management. They felt my role was the best spot to be at to shine. Hence,  they took over all my jobs. That’s great! No incoming and outgoing mail for me since then. I will receive emails only when they mess something up. So, my role has changed from an engineer to a cleaner instead.

*** *** *** ***

I made up my mind to resign once I received the confirmation of my PR. Here I go, RESIGN! That was a brave and risky move! I know that I have to pay off my scholarship bond. But Who Cares? As long as I am happy now!

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Part V

2018 will be a tough time for us! I know we can make it through! I know we are brave enough to face all the challenges. This is what meant to be! What we can do is to try our best. I have sorted out my priority for 2018.

  1. Family
  2. Happiness
  3. Be Strong and Brave!

Good Luck and Happy New Year to those who read my blog!

Self / Family

无题

好久都没有回来了;之前在【告诉自己】里写道;至少一个星期得上来敲打一篇文章,结果我又没有旅行承诺了!今天提早下班,花了3个小时在电脑面前,把大家的近况一篇一篇的读完了!其实真的很享受大家在每篇文章里的对话,总是让我获益不浅。

其实最近的我,也不晓得自己到底在忙什么、想什么!日常生活还真的有点乱!我知道乱的始终是“心”,就犹如:“到底是叶子在飘、风在吹、还是心在动”;一样的道理。心里非常忐忑、也许是因为还没有找到工作、也许是因为对于新的环境感到兴奋、也许因为不晓得到底自己做的选择对吗?

很多人问我,为什么在油价上升时把好好的工作辞掉?为什么在升职后丢信?为什么不好好的跟老板商量,把你们夫妻俩放在同一个州?一个接一个的问题,把我问得喘不过气;让我的心更加迷茫,差点儿就迷失了初衷。咋问自己;我到底追求的是什么?我到底要的是什么?而我确实还在寻找着答案。但是目前明确的目标是要组织一个开心、有爱、温暖的家庭!

记得小时候,我总是追求着踏实的心灵、一直努力的修行;直到大学时发生了很多不愉快的事情,我陷入了自己执着的世界里;放弃了修行。回想起来;也许,这是一个考验!自己的道行还真的不足啊!我相信有因就有果!种下的因,得道得果;果也可能会成为成为另一个因,造就新的果;因果就这样一直的循环。希望现在重新和重心还来的得及啊!

Self / Family

生病感言

上星期,我的另一半進了醫院;而我卻沒有在第一時間趕到去照顧他,有點愧疚。原因是因為公司讓我去受訓,而那個時間座落在星期一;機票由公司包辦,但我的另一半星期五進醫院。如果我要換機票;需要老闆的批准。為了避免麻煩,所以我一方面靜觀其變;一方面瞎擔心他的健康。

待我受訓完畢後,他已經在醫院呆了一個星期;突然醫生告訴我說,他被診斷懷疑患上了肺炎。啊?!那裡可能啊?!他進院是因為發燒啊啊!!決定詢問醫生然後讓他出院。醫生竟然說好,既然你都來了,就讓他出院吧!我覺得有點搞笑,竟然有這樣的事情啊?!診斷結果是肺炎,然後還可以出院?

好吧,既然如此,我還是趕快帶他去見我的家庭醫生,聆聽他的判斷;他說會好起來的,不要擔心。昨天回去复診,證實他的病情有好轉了!

好吧,我也比較放心了。希望他會趕快好起來。

Self / Family

Marriage

Two years ago in December, I put my signature on the marriage certificate witness by my family. I vowed. That was 25 and I am legally married to my significant other.

A year ago in December, we had our Chinese Traditional Marriage.  We had different mindset with our family on reception. We didn’t really plan on our wedding reception as our mindset was not going for the norms. Both disagreed with our plan because they mentioned that we were the eldest in the family. Hence, no matter what, we shall proceed with the reception.

Since I was not able to reject, I have to accept it. I decided to have a garden wedding instead of making it in a restaurant. There were lot of chaos and arguments when I suggested this idea. I insisted to have it with my own style. The wedding reception didn’t really go well as excepted. I would say that they didn’t know how to enjoy the environment for the garden wedding. They thought it was just like a normal buffet and after they were fulled, they can leave. Honestly, I was disappointed but I can’t stop them from leaving. Anyway, what has passed is past, that’s just a wedding dinner.

What more important is the way that both of us are going to work out for our marriage and spend time for the rest of our lives.

It will be our third year anniversary this December. Happy Anniversary, my dear! Thank you for choosing me as your life partner.

Self / Family

設計

其實一直以來自己對藝術、設計等都還蠻有興趣的;只是一直忽略了自己在這方面的發展。

今年的我心血來潮的設計了六個不一樣的樣本;有兩本在之前拍的結婚照(因為拍了太多的婚紗照,可是配套裡只可以有42張照片),一本去意大利的蜜月照,一本結婚晚宴的照片還有兩個行李標簽。分享一些樣本給大家看看,希望你们会喜欢。

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结婚晚宴的其中一面
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结婚晚宴的其中一面
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行李標簽
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行李標簽